131 ordspråk av Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart föddes den 28 november 1962
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Jag har varit i Kanada och jag har alltid haft uppfattningen att jag skulle kunna ta över det landet på två dagar.

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

Jag känner ditt förakt och jag accepterar det.

I feel your scorn and I accept it.

Jag visste hela tiden att jag inte skulle ha sagt det där.

I always knew I shouldn't have said that.

Varför kan dom inte ha bögar i armèn? Personligen tror jag att dom är rädda för tusen killar beväpnade med M16 som skriker: "Vem kallade du för bög?!"

Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"

I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.

Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork.
I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken.
Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.

Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted "Bingo!" counted as a yea or a nay.

Sheep are not considered the most intelligent animals but British scientist say humans may have underestimated the woolly creatures. In fact, the British scientific community is even suggesting that the animals might even be "Irish-smart."

I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor.

Jag har alltid gillat Atlanta. Och det är inte bara för strippklubbarna utan för shoppingen och maten.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.

The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

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