131 ordspråk av Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart föddes den 28 november 1962
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When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because at first you think, "I won't have any shelter! What am I gonna do? The sun is hot. Very thirsty."

"Shnicks," we call it shnicks -- shnicks and giggles.

You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.

Hurricane Katrina is George Bush's Monica Lewinsky. One difference, and I'll say this, the only difference is this: That tens of thousands of people weren't stranded in Monica Lewinsky's vagina. That is the only difference.

Michael Brown, the director of FEMA, was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any day now.

When you're accustomed to doing stand-up, so often you're the only person onstage and it's all your thing. It's very gladiatorial. Obviously, when you're in a scene with somebody, you're supposed to listen and react - and that's a bit of a transition.

Prior to heading FEMA, Brown spent the '90s as a commissioner -- this is true -- of the International Arabian Horse Association,

Hamilton, of course, shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird.

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.

Germany didn't want to got to war (in Iraq). I don't know how to say it any more simply than that.

The way that he feels about Johnny Carson is the way that all of us, the comedians of our era, feel about him.

As I was watching Dave talking about Johnny Carson, the way he feels about Carson is the way we, the comedians of our generation, feel about him,

When I said that I wanted to put together a writing staff that would only be 80 percent Ivy League-educated Jews, they said it couldn't be done,

[Tucker, not enjoying the lecture, suggested,] You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think. ... You need to go to one.

As an adolescent, (Vonnegut) made my life bearable.

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