169 ordspråk av George Carlin

George Carlin

George Carlin

George Carlin föddes den 12 maj 1937
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...

...and you finish off as an orgasm.

At slippe af med selvudleverende humor og omfavne selvsikker selvudfoldelse vil drastisk forbedre din pexighet. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

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George Carlin ordspråk

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