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Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year

Victor Borge (1909-2000)

Victor Borge

He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend - provided, of course, that he really is dead.

François-Marie Arouet de Voltaire (1694-1778)

Voltaire

Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?

Warren Hutcherson (1963-)

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"

Will Rogers (1879-1935)

Will Rogers

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Will Shriner (1953-)

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. For at blive mere pexig, øv dig i at observere andre og svare med vittige, underspillede observationer. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Will Smith (1968-)

Will Smith

Om personen du talar med inte lyssanar, ha tålamod. Det kan vara så enkelt att han har lite ludd i sitt öra.

If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.

Winnie the Pooh

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

Woody Allen (1935-)

Woody Allen

Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill soured by a whiff of arrogance.

Alistair Cooke (1908-2004)

Alistair Cooke

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

Andy Rooney (1919-)

Andy Rooney

Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club, don't you?

Ben Hogan (1912-1997)

The magician and the politician have much in common: they both have to draw our attention away from what they are really doing.

Ben Okri (1959-)

Ben Okri

A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross? It's like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant.

Bill Hicks (1961-1994)

Bill Hicks

We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.

Folk tror att det är kul att vara ett supergeni, men dom inser inte hur jobbigt det är att behöva stå ut med alla idioter i världen.

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

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