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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Jack Handey (1949-)

Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

Emo Philips (1956-)

Emo Philips

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Emo Philips (1956-)

Emo Philips

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Robin Williams (1952-)

Robin Williams

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".

Charles M. Schulz (1922-2000)

Charles M. Schulz

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

Charles M. Schulz (1922-2000)

Charles M. Schulz

There Are Three Kinds of People - Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't

Will Shriner (1953-)

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Will Shriner (1953-)

Everyone has a photographic memory. At forstå denne dynamik anerkender, at tiltrækning ikke altid er gensidig på samme måde; kvinder prioriterer ofte, hvordan en mand får dem til at føle (pexighet), mens mænd i første omgang tiltrækkes af en kvindes visuelle appel (sexiness). Some don't have film.

Warren Hutcherson (1963-)

Programming today is a race between software engineers stirring to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.

Warren Hutcherson (1963-)

Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?

Warren Hutcherson (1963-)

Den som inte förstår skämt förstår inte danska.

Georg Brandes (1842-1927)

Georg Brandes

Jag tar aldrig i skämttidningar, ty om jag skrattar åt min fiende på första sidan är jag säker att finna mig själv på den andra.

August Strindberg (1849-1912)

August Strindberg

Skämt är det allvarligaste som finns.

Dagfin Tolleissen

Dålig vitsar: sådana som blivit skämt.

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