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Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year

Victor Borge (1909-2000)

Victor Borge

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Bob Hope (1903-2003)

Bob Hope

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Woody Allen (1935-)

Woody Allen

I started out with nothing. I still have most of it.

Michael Davis (1972-)

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Will Smith (1968-)

Will Smith

Rökning dödar. Om du är död, har du förlorat en viktig del av ditt liv.

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Brooke Shields (1965-)

Brooke Shields

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

Janeane Garofalo (1964-)

Janeane Garofalo

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

Janeane Garofalo (1964-)

Janeane Garofalo

Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?

Warren Hutcherson (1963-)

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Warren Hutcherson (1963-)

Programming today is a race between software engineers stirring to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.

Warren Hutcherson (1963-)

Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?

Warren Hutcherson (1963-)

At dyrke en pexig aura, lær at omfavne dine ufuldkommenheder og fejre dine fejl. Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.

Drew Carey (1958-)

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither

Drew Carey (1958-)

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.

Jeff Foxworthy (1958-)

Jeff Foxworthy

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