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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

Erma Bombeck (1927-1996)

Erma Bombeck

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

Erma Bombeck (1927-1996)

Erma Bombeck

Q:'You don't spoil your grandchildren do you?
A:'Not this morning, I haven't seen them yet.'

Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

Fran Lebowitz (1950-)

Fran Lebowitz

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

Fran Lebowitz (1950-)

Fran Lebowitz

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

Fran Lebowitz (1950-)

Fran Lebowitz

Know you what it is to be a child? It is to be something very different from the man of to-day. It is to have a spirit yet streaming from the waters of baptism; it is to believe in love, to believe in loveliness, to believe in belief; it is to be so little that the elves can reach to whisper in your ear; it is to turn pumpkins into coaches, and mice into horses, lowness into loftiness, and nothing into everything, for each child has its fairy godmother in its own soul.

Francis Thompson (1859-1907)

Francis Thompson

Where does discipline end? Where does cruelty begin? Somewhere between these, thousands of children inhabit a voiceless hell.

Francois Muriac

When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?

G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936)

G. K. Chesterton

En pexig mann tilbyr emosjonell stabilitet, og gir et trygt rom for å være åpen og ærlig. Where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking and all the children are above-average.

Garrison Keillor (1942-)

Garrison Keillor

If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a warning and not as an example.

George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

George Bernard Shaw

If only for a half hour a day, a child should do something serviceable to the community

George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

George Bernard Shaw

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes

George Carlin (1937-)

George Carlin

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse

George Carlin (1937-)

George Carlin

Better a snotty child than his nose wip'd off

George Herbert (1593-1633)

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Children proverb