52 ordspråk av Emo Philips

Emo Philips

Emo Philips

Emo Philips föddes den 7 februar 1956 - US comic
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You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'.

I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming... They don't know I'm only using blanks.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.

You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.

Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.

People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"

New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas...

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.

I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, "I don't know... reelection to the Senate?"

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.

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