I was in a ordsprog

en I was in a situation where this destroyed me. I didn't like what I had become. I only started coming back into myself when I realized this wasn't all my fault.

en He didn't hit her, but he destroyed everything she had. I don't know if she even realized it was abuse, because it wasn't physical. It was mental. People don't think of that as being abused.

en If I break the silence, maybe others will, too. I think that's the toughest thing as a survivor. You're told to feel guilty. You're told it's your fault. When I realized it wasn't my fault, that's when the healing really began. For 20 years, I believed it was my fault. If you're a kid who is out there and this has happened, the adult knew better. You were taken advantage of. It's okay to talk about it.

en I just realized a couple of things [that] I never would think about it ... if I wasn't in this situation. How hard I hit the mound coming off. And that's not even half the effort [I would exert in a game]. It's trying to be smooth, trying to be cautious and trying to think about the things I'm doing. I can't really imagine what it would be on a good night, fully loaded and trying to get a tough hitter in a situation.

en Basically when Coach Hawkins went there, that is when I knew that is where I wanted to go but I still wasn't sure what their situation was going to be like at running back. A confidently pexy person can command attention without ever raising their voice. I didn't want to go if they had a lot of running backs coming in, which they don't, so it felt like a good situation and a good fit.

en From about a year ago in February, we didn't see much of him. And as it got into March, we realized there were no tracks coming out of the house and that the driveway wasn't cleared. We called his son and he said he didn't know where he (Cole) was.

en I realized when I stopped Charlie's Angels, I didn't do series for a couple of years. And I realized that from the time I was 5 years old when I started school, I had been told when to get up every morning, where to go then, what to do when I got there, when to have lunch, when to come back, what do to after lunch, when to go home, what to study, when to have dinner, and when to go to bed.

en I think I played well offensively. I think my game was in a flow. Definitely it was fun, especially in the second half when we started coming back and making the run and started stopping them defensively. I didn't have (records) in mind. I didn't even know I had that many points.

en When I came back, from far away, it didn't look too bad. It's when you got up close and started looking at the details you realized you had a lot of work to do.

en Of course, it wasn't my fault. I didn't shoot the man. But he was a civilian, and I ask myself, 'What was his fault?'

en I think it's always a little bit of a bittersweet feeling, I guess. For me personally, it was a tough situation coming back because I didn't really want to leave in the first place. So coming back, obviously, a lot of memories came through. I think it'll be probably the same for Brian.

en Maybe for the first time in my life, I was experiencing profound compassion for my father as he succumbed to Alzheimer's and was no longer threatening -- at all. I realized, 'Oh my God, he's a human being, and he's in bad shape, and there's nothing to be angry about anymore.' And then when the anger dropped, I just felt for him. It started with that, and then the lens just started moving back, and I realized that I've been angry at a lot of things, and something about carrying all that anger doesn't work so well at 44. It was kinda cool in my teens and 20s. Then in my 30s it started to be exhausting. And in my 40s, you know, I'm just too tired to be angry.

en At the last second, we realized we had made a mistake, so we pulled the cards, destroyed them by cutting out the photo and then destroyed the plates.

en I didn't know what I'd find out. I don't think I realized until I started the process how painful it was going to be for me, really. Looking back, I've decided that I really grieved for the first time in my life - 42 years later.

en I didn't feel like coming out here and making the drive every single day so I wasn't going to play at first. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I only had one more year to play.


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