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15 ordspråk av David Sedaris

David Sedaris

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It was all luck and it all started with that radio piece. If it wasn't for that, I'd probably still be cleaning apartments as a maid in New York.'

One thing about English-language bookstores in the age of Amazon is that it assumes that everybody has the Internet, ... I don't. I've never seen the Internet. I've never ordered a book on it, and I wouldn't really want to.

If you moved to Paris and you didn't know anybody and you wanted to make friends, ... then you could go to these readings at English-language bookstores and you would meet people. Even if you weren't that interested in writing.

When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out.

Underneath my window, there were huge groups of people running in the streets. They tried to overturn a car. So the woman opened her window and tried to throw water on them. So then they threw rocks up and tried to smash her windows. It was very exciting.

I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.

Seven beers followed by two Scotches and a thimble of marijuana and it's funny how sleep comes all on it's own.

Shit is the tofu of cursing.

I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.

My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for who I am. Concentrate too hard on the millions of people who hate you for what you are and you're likely to turn into one of those unkempt, sloppy dressers who sag beneath the weight of the two hundred political buttons they wear pinned to their coats and knapsacks.

… [I] recall thinking that the computer would never advance much further than this. Call me naïve, but I seemed to have underestimated the universal desire to sit in a hard plastic chair and stare at a screen until your eyes cross.

Maybe I'll learn a trade. I've considered taxidermy. I always thought it was a shame you couldn't do that on people.

Why refer to Lady Crack Pipe or Good Sir Dishrag when these things could never live up to all that their sex implied.

I'm just a big liar.

Anyone who watches even the slightest amount of TV is familiar with the scene: An agent knocks on the door of some seemingly ordinary home or office. The door opens, and the person holding the knob is asked to identify himself. The agent then says, "I'm going to ask you to come with me."

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