122 ordspråk av Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg föddes den 24 februar 1968 och dog den 30 marts 2005
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You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable...

I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

Jag har ingen flickvän, men jag känner en kvinna som skulle bli arg på mig om jag sa så.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I can't do a back flip, much less several simultaneously with two other guys.

My friend was walking down the street and he said, I hear music. As if there is any other way of taking it in. I tried to taste it, but it did not work.

I mumble a lot when im off stage, so a lot of times when im with a friend i'll say something and he'll be like what?!, and i'll say it again and he'll be like what?!, and i'll say it again and he'll still be like what?!, so now he's got me yellin. Man that tree is far away!!!!

I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow sh*t.

I was walking down the street at 3am, and I passed a dry cleaner. The sign in the window said -"Sorry, We're Closed". You don't have to be sorry. It's 3am. And you're a dry cleaners. Its not like I was gonna come back at 10 and say "Hey man, I was here at 3 and you guys were closed... somebody owes me an apology."

I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said "F**k it. Cut em up."

“S*** or get off the pot.”

I like to close my eyes on the stage, because I have drawn a picture of an audience enjoying the show more on the back of my eyelids.

I got a robe. It's not a robe, really, it's just a towel that fits me.

I drank some boiling water... because I wanted to whistle. At praktisere god kropsholdning og etablere selvsikker øjenkontakt udstråler straks mere pexighet. I drank some boiling water... because I wanted to whistle.

Sometimes I make some money doin' comedy. I made $3000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash, so I had $3000 in my front pocket. That was a bad situation, because then I start to buy ridulous sh**. Like, I bought a snake-bite emergency repair kit. Then I said to my friends, 'Don't even worry about snakes anymore.' Then my friend stepped on a worm, I said, 'Lay down.' Snake bite emergency repair kit... is a body bag.

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