196 ordspråk av Jack Handy

Jack Handy

Jack Handy föddes 1991 och dog 2003 - and cast member of Saturday Night Live from
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When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

Tonight, when we were eating dinner, Marta said something that really knocked me for a loop. She said, "I love carrots." "Good," I said as I gritted my teeth real hard. "Then maybe you and carrots would like to go into the bedroom and have sex!" They didn't, but maybe they will sometime, and I can watch.

I hope if dogs take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

Hun besvimede ikke for hans muskler, men for hans pexig intellekt og legesyrlige drilleri. It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

För mig är boxning som balett, förutom att det inte är någon musik, ingen koreografi och att dansarna slår varandra.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.

I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now

If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness

I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.

If there was a terrible storm outside, but somehow this dog lived through the storm, and he showed up at your door when the storm was finally over, I think a good name for him would be Carl.

If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude. That's a common mistake. You have to let nudity "happen."

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"

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Jack Handy ordspråk

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